I really don’t want this to become a relationship blog, but sadly enough that’s where my head is at the moment. It’s temporary, but the long commute to work leaves too much time on my hands to think about such things.

A few days ago I had a conversation with someone on my SO’s facebook page. At the time when I read the statement my head was somewhere else and it didn’t resonate with me until I was one the 471 heading to work this morning. She said

Lol ok cant live with em cant live without em. But i’m sure you gone get him right where he need to be (I bout got mine jus how i want him….. whew lol) It’s just gone take a lil extra work n i wish you two the best hun

The hell? Why do we put ourselves through such bullshit to change a man? Since my divorce I’ve done my fair share of dating. It’s been a fanatical ride discovering the various types of personalities that men possess. To sum it all up men are effin crazy, but all in all we (women) choose to accept their erratic behavior either because the sex is omg un effin believable or we have it embedded in our mind that we can change them.

I’ve learned that men aren’t designed to be changed by women, but can be moved to change by our actions.  The King has been effin up royally these last few days. It’s not one particular action, but several and I find myself lecturing his ass. By the end of the day I’m exhausted and feel like I haven’t accomplished anything, but should get paid for my efforts.

I can’t change him. I should accept him for who he is and choose whether or not he’s worth the emotions I’m currently feeling. If I walk out and make it permanent then he’ll possibly change and what good is that to me if the next women benefits from my blood, sweat, and tears (so playing Ring The Alarm)?  But if I stay am I conveying to him that it’s okay to constantly fuck me over with his irresponsible behavior? Where’s that shade of grey?

We talked last night about the differences from when we first met until now. Minor things that has a significant impact on my love for him has changed. I woke up this morning expecting the situation to revert back to nearly three months ago but allI got was what I had yesterday.  Such is life I suppose.  He says nothing changes if nothing changes and I say everything changes if nothing changes. Nothing has changed so everything has changed.

SDW